The Red Bicycle Bistro & Sushi
Headliner: Kane Holloway
Emcee: Steffon Moody
Local comics: Jason Butler, Per Lars Blomgren, Daniel Green, Jon Whalen, Mick Etchoe.
Where to start? How about with Jason Butler, who not only teaches history professionally on your dime, but has spent two years and countless thousands of dollars securing the patent to his “calf-less pants”. For those times when you want long pants, but you still want people to be able to check out your fine calves, calf-less pants are the way to go. Your homework assignment: get there late so you can stand up the whole night.
If you caught Mick Etchoe’s last performance then you know that he puts the pro(fane) in professional amateur. Did you also know that Vashon Youth and Family Services will have counselors on hand to help deal with the emotional trauma of Mick finishing up his set before you were ready? Mick will sign autographs ($45, no checks) after his set, but he will not come home with (all of) you.
What can we say about Daniel Green? That he’s been tearing up the teen scene? That we built an entire high school just for him? That when you hear his jokes you will not only envy his youth, but you will actually want to BE him? The stupid scientists have not yet perfected full brain transplants, so you’ll need to live your own life, sweetcheeks. Your homework: Dance like EVERYBODY is watching.
We are wicked happy to welcome back Jon Whalen. Jon has the passion of an airport evangelist, the talent of a Broadway star, the energy of a puppy and the body of a fifty-year-old man. He has promised no frontal nudity, but nobody is holding him to that. Watching Jon perform, it is easy to imagine him as a six-year old saying “I have an idea for a show!!!” Your homework assignment: try to imagine a career that suits Jon’s personality.
A common complaint we hear about Comedy Night -other than “I peed my pants”- is that there isn’t enough Blomgren. Problem solved, people, because we are pleased to announce a 100% increase in the amount of Blomgren!! Hello Anders. Hello Per-Lars. In the name of public safety, The Center for Disease Control has strongly urged the producers of BLOMGRENPALOOZA to provide urinary catheters and Depends undergarments for this somewhat-precedented event. Please rinse and return, thank you.
If everything on this planet made sense, we wouldn’t need Jim Farrell. Alas, until Sarah Palin defeats the lizards and saves us all, we just might need Jim to keep picking up rocks and exposing little gross pieces of this world. Your homework assignment: Laugh until you cry. Cry until God hears you. Ask God to pull your finger.
Your host, Steffon Moody, traded his third-born child for a secret map to your funny bone. Good call-that kid looked like a frog. His assignment for the night is to guide you tenderly amongst the thorny brambles and outrageously implausible situations concocted by the fools onstage. Always upbeat and funny, he is your ally, your guidance counselor. Interestingly, Steffon is not on drugs.
Making his way back to our ridiculous island is our headliner and valedictorian, Kane Holloway. Kane has been performing all over the place recently, including on the “Just Another Hangover Tour,” and the “Keeping Our Day Jobs College Tour.” We’d like to think of this night as the “Vashon Island Tour”. Kane will be selling those weird swimming nose plugs before his set, so you don’t shoot beer out your nose. After his set he will be selling hard copies of his comedy CD “Kane Holloway: Testing Your Faith.” After that he will be selling steaks from the back of a Honda Civic. Your homework assignments: write an essay comparing your life to that of a touring comedian, kiss your spouse with soul-level tenderness, buy Kane’s CD.
The show starts promptly at 8 p.m. and is always crowded. By law children are permitted entry, but I swear to God if you bring a child to this comedy show I will excoriate you publicly until your children cry. But lets face it, our teenagers expose themselves to more disturbing filth and illicit activity via the internet every day than we can possibly muster onstage once every three months. Profanity, sexuality, radical ideas; it happens, so let’s just go ahead and include them in the conversation. Welcome, young citizens. It’s a dirty, terrible, beautiful world we live in; may you move through it with thoughtfulness, grace and compassion. Pull my finger.